Behind The Mask
by Zay-el
Summary: Short story focusing on Bastila's thoughts and doubts before,during and after the kiss scene in KotOR.


I made this little story a while ago for a friend of minewho was a real KotOR fanatic back then. Started it during the first lesson in school and finished by the last. He liked it so I thought why not upload it here too? And so I did :)

Basicly this story is just a short snippet about before-after the kiss scene with Bastila, focused on her thoughts and doubts. I know, I kinda screwed up everyone's personality, but if you have the time, please take a look at it! I plan to take up writing as a real hobby, and I desperately want to improve:(

**Disclaimer: KotOR and all of its characters belong to Bioware and Lucasarts, I'm just borrowing them for a short while ;)**

Thanks goes to Antal Majdanics for his patience to read my story's original written form, barely readable because of the huge amount of corrections. Also I would like to thank the Beyond Good and Evil Revolution Forum for their ever-lasting support :)**  
**

* * *

**Behind the Mask**

Bastila's heart was racing around like a swoop gone out of control. She had Revan waiting for her in one of the dormitories and she didn't want to be late. She ran past the medical chamber, but gone back for a second to examine herself in the mirror. She brushed away her hair away from her eyes and tied it into a little knot. _What am I doing?_she asked herself suddenly. _I want to end whatever was…is between us, not…catalyse it!_

"You love him, right?" said someone behind her. Bastila nearly ran up the wall. She turned around and saw Mission, her arms crossed, her face saying that she meant this as an acknowledgement, rather than a question. Bastila quickly put up the usual "Great Exalted Jedi"-face:  
"Jedi do not love, Mission." she said calmly, although deep inside she knew, that she already pretty much broke this statement. The Twi'lek sighed and said:  
"I wasn't asking Miss Jedi" she grinned. "I was asking Bastila."

The aforementioned girl blushed unnoticed…at least she thought it was unnoticed. "I…don't…I…He's." she mumbled. Even the simplest of words seemed to elude her.

"I think I get it" Mission giggled. "Look at you! You walk around with that "I'm the greatest of the Jedi" face all the time, and still I can almost see the little red hearts flying around your head. Every time you see him, or hear him talking: your heartbeat goes faster than a spaceship, you can't get enough air no matter how much you breath in…To be fully honest, I've rarely seen someone more in love than you." she winked at Bastila.

Bastila's face turned even redder than before by the girl's words…maybe because she was telling the truth. Her heart really doubled the pace, simply by seeing him…She always blamed their bond for that, somewhat lying to herself. As time went by however, it started to get harder to hide it. The worst was when he smiled at her…at that point she was always lost. Everything besides him went blurry, the noises disappeared and all she could think about was him… _No! _she desperately thought. _I don't love him! I don't…I don't…_

She looked at Mission with questions in her eyes. The Twi'lek instantly knew what she was going to ask:  
"But how do I know? It wasn't hard to discover what was going on with you. While everyone else was watching him as he spoke, I saw how you looked at him, and from that point it was pretty obvious. "she tried to suppress another giggle. "Listen to me Bastila. I'm not one to teach you or anything…ask Bindo he would love to tell you stories…" the girl grinned "I'm just giving you a word of advice. Try to forget what you've learned, just this once, and let your feelings guide you. Try to shake off your Jedi Master mask, and act simply as Bastila…

Bastila was frightened by Mission's words. _How could I let my emotions dominate over me?!_ she thought _I would betray everything I have ever learned!_ She ran out of the room to get as far away from Mission, as possible. Mission shook her head. She hoped that what she said made at least some impression on her.

Bastila stopped before going in to the dormitory and peeked inside. Revan was already inside: he smiled faintly, seeming a bit annoyed by now, but still waiting patiently for her. She sighed, straightened her robe, and stepped in. He raised his head and their eyes met.

"You're late." he said. Bastila felt herself getting red again, and for a second she imagined her strangling him. "Sorry, I was…delayed." she said finally. He smiled at her, making Bastila's face slowly resemble a Sith lightsaber. Revan noticed this but didn't want to embarrass her any further by mentioning it.

"We have to talk about…about the two of us." she said finally. Revan said nothing; just nod his head in agreement. She took a deep breath and began:

You must have noticed, that as our bond…became stronger, we've began to develop certain…feelings for each other." she stopped for a second. Revan listened to her without a word and Bastila thanked him inside for this. "It was very hard…but as I have now overcome these feelings-" her voice died down for a second, as she could barely speak now. A horrible feeling of her betraying him filled her with guilt and grasped her throat. "…I have learned an important lesson in controlling my emotions." At this point her throat felt so small, she couldn't say a single word more. She was too overflown with guilt, embarrassment and sorrow.

"So is this all I meant to you? Another gap towards becoming a Master?" he asked coldly, although Bastila could see the sadness in his eyes.

"Please, don't say it like that…you make it seem like it was so easy…" she said and refused to look him in the eyes.

"Bastila…" he said lovingly and stepped in front of her. I know what you feel, because I feel the same for you."

"Yo-You do?" she looked up for a second with a hint of fear in her eyes. "But we can't!…Jedi can't love!" she practically screamed "Love leads to the Dark Side! Lo-"

He put his finger on her lips, gently silencing her. "Bastila…what I feel for you, is not simply love. We're connected by our bond…a bond that always existed, and was always the same. Deep inside both of us knew what this bond really is; we just never confessed it to each other. I'm not afraid of loving you, because I know that you would always turn me away from the lure of the Dark Side. Don't be afraid to love, Bastila…I love you, and I don't care what the Masters say, I still do."

"I…I love you too…" she whispered, finally admitting the feeling that has been haunting her, ever since Taris. "Since the first time I saw you, and to this day, I've always loved you…" she turned her face away in guilt of what she said a few minutes ago.

Revan gently caught her chin between his fingers, and turned her head back to face him. He leaned closer, and kissed her. Bastila felt like every single cell in her body was set on fire, kept burning by his kiss. Revan noticed her knees were about to give up, and wrapped his arms around her. Her lungs screamed for oxygen, but she didn't want to break the kiss. She wanted it to last for an eternity. When Revan finally broke the kiss, he gave Bastila a few minutes to regain her breath.

"How do you feel now?" he asked, smiling.

"Why…ask…when you…already know the…answer?" she replied panting, smiled back at him, and wiped off a tear drop off her face. This time, she leaned up to his face and kissed him. He kissed back, and the circle started again. Time no longer mattered to them. Nothing really mattered to them right now, not even the Star Maps…only the other. The world faded away, and the only noise was the calm humming of the hyperdrive.

She never even realized they were no longer standing, nor that she was no longer in her robe. Their bodies pressed together, the overwhelming bliss, and her burning love of him, was the only thing she could feel. Neither of them noticed when Mission walked by and closed the door on them. They both wanted this for too long to let anyone else break the moment…

Bastila woke up first, still naked, next to Revan. She turned around to face him. Listening to him breathing filled her with peace. She remembered how they made love to each other, just a few hours ago…and realized that deep inside she had always loved him. And now here he was next to her…the Jedi Padawan Revan…the Dark Lord Revan…the wounded Revan…the new Revan…her Revan.

**_THE END_**


End file.
